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| Jojo's Adventures |
| My life as I see it... |
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Monday, February 28, 2005
Who am I? 2 4 6 0 SEVEN!!!!!!!!
I am a performer. If you know me and you question what I just said, check it out here: http://www.personalitypage.com/ESFP.html. Anyway, so what does that mean? I guess it means I live to entertain. I am a clown, the funny guy who lives for gags, and the fool that likes it when people laugh with him and at him. I am off-kiltered, like the penis that leans slightly to the left. At times, I have no inhibitions and I say what comes into my head, no matter how bizarre, annoying, and weird they may be. I am a gangsta rapper with tourettes. I once accidentally taught a 2 year-old girl how to say the F-Bomb: me: Fu$%k, I'm drunk!! Martin: Dude, there's a baby here.... me: Holy s$%t, did I cuss in front of her! I'm fu$%in' sorry!! girl: f$%k!!!! Donny: never mind..... girl: Bad man!!!! Martin: uh huh..... I am me and I live in my own world, with my own rules. But people around me have come to expect things like this to happen. Otherwise, they wouldn't be hanging with the real me. Case in point: At work, my co-workers coined a new term to describe certain things that I tend to blurt out without thinking. They call them "jojo-isms". We would be in the middle of some innocent discussion about managing our database blah blah blah blah, and poof out comes the jojoisms: You suck donkey balls.... or anal leakage.... or anal warts... Oh hell, let me explain what's going on with these phrases: 1) Phrase: "You suck donkey balls" Similar to: "you suck donkey cock" which I've used also, but sparingly. Origin: This phrase came to popularity during my college years. I don't know how it started, or where it came from really, but I snagged it and started applying it into my daily conversations. 2) Phrase: "Anal leakage" Origin: I just started using this phrase for it's shock value. I think I may have gotten it from a TV show or movie or even from someone in the SD crew, but I popularized it 3) Phrase: "Anal Warts" which got shortened from the phrase: "I like it like I like anal warts...." which came from this phrase: "I like it like I like warts in my ass..." Origin: Again, this was for shock value. I first used this at work when a co-worker asked me how I liked this movie called Napoleon Dynamite. For some reason, that came out and my reputation at work was born. I say other things, but those are for future blog sessions. Hopefully, all you neophytes to the Wolrd of Jojo can take something back from this and really understand who The Jojo really is. Otherwise, screw yourself up your bunghole and suck my nads!!! Boo ya ka sha!!!! Friday, February 25, 2005
I got mine for cheap!!!!!
I just found out from a co-worker that when his mom goes back to the Phillipines next week, she's going to bring home a few dozeon of those yellow livestrong wristbands. But instead of bringing them as pasalubong (presents to the relatives and friends), she's selling them for the equivalent of $10 US each!!! Man alive!!!! This is why I am proud to be a filipino. When we like something, we overspend to get them!!! maybe I should ebay mine and charge them free shipping.....
Tivo, thy glory cannot be measured....
Hey DirectTV. I just want to say thanks for your Tivo service. Not only does it allow me to watch ALL of my favorite shows, but it gives me an opportunity to relax when I get home and enjoy a nice evening in front of the boob tube. Forget the fact that I'm watching more TV now than before, and that my ass is constantly leaving an imprint in our couch the size of Texas. Other than that, everything is honky dory. ;-) Now if I can just convince Dao that we need a small fridge in the living room..... Thursday, February 24, 2005
Valentine's Day poems from my heart to yours...
I know it's too late to post this, but who cares..... These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss but I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I thought that I could love no other until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; this describes everything you are not I want to feel your sweet embrace but don't take that paper bag off your face I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "go to hell" What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.
the land of poi and pidgin talk
hmmmm.... I got two more weeks before I go to Hawaii. Unfortunately, wifey ain't goin' since she just started her new job and she can't take time off. Besides, she's been to Hawaii so many times that she's bored of it. And that is why she's going to Mammoth with the rest of the San Diego crew instead of going with me. Dammit!!!!! Oh well, I'm sure I'll be making the best out of this trip. I mean, it's still Hawaii. I'll probably be hitting the bars when I'm there and I'm definitely taking in the beaches since my hotel is right off it!!! I signed up for the luau on sunday so that'll keep me busy and full for a few hours. But as soon as I get away from my co-workers, I'm gonna go around Waikiki and just explore it solo. Imagine the mischief I'll get myself into all by my lonesome. muwahahahhahaha!!!! boo ya ka sha!!!! Tuesday, February 22, 2005
dank and empty.....
My mind is a wasteland of useless neurons and receptors. I've been sitting here for the past hour or so uninterested with my work and trying to come up with a topic to write about. Alas, I have nothing to say. It's as if the sponge that my mind used to be has given up on soaking any kind of information. It's just a stagnant, useless piece of muscle that's wasting space more than anything. I feel like rat turd with a pulse. Maybe I should just go to sleep. Anny, help me!!! Bring me back from my darkness and give me something to talk about!! For goodness sakes, help a brutha out...... Monday, February 21, 2005
it's good to be me....
Dear God, I would like to thank you for the memorable weekend that I just had. Aside from the death ride that we took up the winding road through heavy snow, the near-freezing of my all-important extremities, and a half-dozen spills in the unusually hard ice, it was wonderful. There were laughs to be had, drinks to be drank, a mountain to be conquered and merriment to be made. What started out as a fear ride from hell turned out pretty good in the end. I guess it's moments like this that make me thankful for what I have. But I did discover one thing though. When I ran over that raccoon driving up to Big Bear, I had an epiphany about where my life has led me and what I've accomplished. I guess in a simple sense, everything that I've done, everyone that I've met, all the things that I've experienced have brought me to where I am right now. And you know what, I'm happy with that. For each day that I am alive and breathing in this planet, I get the opportunity to meet new people, try out new foods, go to wonderful places, be with my wife, bootleg movies, write in my blog and just be happy and thankful for where I am. So God, thank that raccoon for getting in the way of my SUV. Without him there, I would never have realized how extremely lucky I am. Yours Truly, Antonio Banderas Friday, February 18, 2005
I need a sugar daddy....
On another note, I also started looking at courses to take at UCSD Extension. I figure if my boss is willing to pay, I might as well use this to help me get my Oracle DBA certification. I guess I'll hit him up with the costs this coming Monday. Can you spell ASSKISSING for me, please?
I'm gonna freeze my ball sacs off....
Wifey and I are driving up to Big Bear tonight. It's Dre's birthday bash bonanza so we're gonna brave traffic, snow, sleet, cold, and crazy-ass so-cal drivers to get there in one piece. This is gonna be fun... Damn, I hope I don't bite it at Summit tomorrow. I only boarded once last year so I'm pretty sure that I'm sucking ice at least 5 times tomorrow. Anybody wanna take down some bets?!?! Boo ya sha ka!!!!! Thursday, February 17, 2005
As my World turns.....
My world revolves around coffee so much that it's beyond a routine now. As soon as I park my car, I head over to my local Starbucks and shout out "Decaf Venti White Chocolate Mocha" like a mantra. And like a HO to his PIMP, my coffee bitch dutifully does as he is told. Anyway, Starbucks serves their coffees in cups with anecdotes from well-known, or notorious, celebrities. I happened to read one from my coffee cup this morning, and it went a little something like this: The Way I See It# 17 The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't tale it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes." -Keith Olbermann Broadcast journalist and host Deep. And so appropriate. Lately, I've been thinking about pursuing an Oracle Certification in Forms Development. For the non-techie section of my fan club (2 of the 5 people that read my blog), it means mucho dinero. I've always had great ideas, but I've never had the ball sacs to actually pursue anything to the end. I'm a talker, not a doer, and it 's time for me to be the latter. Hopefully, my barista's words of wisdom will help me change my sad and pathetic ways. Boom shakalaka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wednesday, February 16, 2005
160 bpm....
My sis in Colorado just IM'ed and told me that she just heard her baby's heartbeat. Dude, I am so excited!!!! I'm gonna be an Uncle!!! whooo hooo!! I wonder if passing out cigars is still the thing to do....
Comme ci, Comme ca
I need a hobby. Life is a little on the dull side as of late. My wife and I (damn, I'm still getting used to that phrase) pretty much go to the same routine each day. Maybe I should take some certification courses from Oracle. DBA's make tons of money and my company is willing to pay since it benefits them. Hell, it would be a win-win situation for all parties involved. Screw it, I'll just do it. Tuesday, February 15, 2005
brooding......
Go find this song in launch.yahoo.com and listen to it. For some reason, it speaks to my soul...
Remember by Disturbed Sensation washes over me I can't describe it Pain I felt so long ago I don't remember Tear a hole so I can see My devastation Feelings from so long ago I don't remember Holding on, to let them know What's given to me, given to me To hide behind The mask this time And try to believe Blind your eyes to what you see You can't embrace it Leave it well enough alone And don't remember Cut your pride and watch it bleed You can't deny it Pain you know you can't ignore I don't remember Holding on, to let them know What's given to me, given to me To hide behind The mask this time And try to believe If I can Remember To know this will Conquer meIf I can Just walk alone And try to escape Into me [Sensation washes over me I can't describe it Pain I felt so long ago I don't remember] I'm just Holding on, to let them know What's given to me, given to me To hide behind The mask this time And try to believe If I canRemember To know this will Conquer me If I can Just walk alone And try to escape Into me
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| it's always all about me... |
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name: Jojo
age: 32 my wife: DAO THAI-CUARTO blood type: B+ fave pasttime: burning movies |
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